By Denise Green, Ph.D., School Psychologist (Excerpt from In the News at ARMS, Vol. 4, No. 7, February 2014)
The social scene can become intense, and opportunities for disappointment abound. All the talk on Monday is about a party that happened on the weekend – and not everyone was invited. The romantic interest turns out to be interested in someone else. Those couple of homeworks that got skipped turns out to be quite a few, and parents and teachers are putting some pressure on to get them done. What started out as mostly good-matured joking around has gotten nastier, and now it feels more like bullying. The long-time best friend seems more interested in a whole new group of friends, and not so interested in old friendships. Of course, some students are dealing with more serious family, medical, or personal concerns as well.
In this age of constant access to and communication with peers, it can be challenging for a young teen to slow down and figure out how to cope with the various stressful and even painful events in their lives. The crazy hormones don’t help, either! Developing healthy coping strategies is an essential task that must be mastered in order to grow into a stable, emotionally competent adult, though.
Young teens benefit from experiencing their feelings when they are in distress, and feeling supported by parents, family members, or trusted friends so that they can talk through things that are upsetting. In the process, they learn to tolerate some uncomfortable feelings, and also how to resolve difficulties or move on. Family members or friends may offer information about how they dealt with a similar situation; even just listening to a student can help. Other healthy coping strategies might include: writing in a journal, listening to favorite music, exercising, engaging in a family activity such as a game or movie, engaging in a favorite hobby, or spending relaxed time with one or a few close friends.
Sometimes we see students experiment with, or even become dependent on, unhealthy coping strategies. They may bounce from one drama to the next, without gaining self-understanding or problem-solving skills. Rather than learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and attempting to resolve issues, students may seek to avoid them. They may engage in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, they may use alcohol or drugs to numb feelings, they may become addicted to video games, or develop disordered eating. If you have concerns that your son or daughter may be headed down one of these paths, we can help you access resources in the community for assistance. The following links provide more information:
Healthy coping strategies:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/stress.html#
http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Helping_Teenag
ers_With_Stress_66.aspx
Cutting:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-girls-crash-course/201301/cutting-cope-part-two
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/cutting-self-harm-signs-treatment
Teen alcohol and drug use:
http://teens.drugabuse.gov/parents
Eating disorders:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Video game addiction:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201308/are-video-games-addictive
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